When it comes to gifts from family and friends or items you've inherited, have you ever realized that you're potentially holding onto those items for the wrong reasons? Do you ever feel like you are keeping things out of guilt, instead of keeping them because you actively use them or enjoy them? Do you have a large number of heirlooms, not all of which have the same level of sentimental attachment? Are these items taking up space in your house that could, ideally, be better used for something else? Better yet, could letting some of these items go mean more open space in your house and less clutter?
I spend a lot of time thinking about the reasons that we attach ourselves to material items. Sometimes those items are not serving a real purpose in our lives - not even an especially sentimental purpose. Sometimes we haven't even taken the time to thoughtfully consider the reasons we are holding onto these items. Maybe the object has been useful to us in the past, but we haven't touched it in years. Maybe we are afraid that if we get rid of the item, we are losing our connection to the person who gave it to us. Perhaps we are imagining that we will hurt the person's feelings if we get rid of the item--even if that item is not our particular taste, not being used, and simply taking up space in a closet somewhere.
If, as we speak, you are imagining an item (or several) like this in your house, consider trying out this flow chart I created. The flow chart is intended to get you thinking about how that item actually fits into your life. For my clients that are keeping an especially sentimental item associated to memories of a person, I frequently propose that my clients change the way they store the item. Instead of keeping that object in a box in the attic and likely never pulling it out to enjoy, I encourage them to find a way to display it around the house where they can regularly appreciate it. If it's not something they would want to display, I would then ask them to think more critically about why it must be kept but tucked away out of sight. Sometimes the answer is still to keep it, and that's perfectly fine. The idea is to know consciously why we are keeping things--whether that reason is the joy it brings us emotionally, or the usefulness it contributes.
What about the guilt scenario I mentioned? Are you afraid that by getting rid of the item, you are hurting the feelings of the person who gave it to you/ left it to you? I have felt that same twinge of guilt before when thinking about getting rid of an item that was a gift. What helps me personally to think about is the meaning behind the gift itself. If it's an item that was thoughtfully gifted yet you don't have a need to wear it, use it, or display it, then it is a burden to you rather than a benefit to your life. What matters most is that the person was thinking of you, and that gift is a symbolic gesture of that feeling. The loving gesture exists whether you keep the item or not - getting rid of the item does not take away from the fact that the person cares about you or thought of you. Think about the greeting cards we receive on holidays or birthdays. If we eventually throw that card away, does it mean the person never wished us well? Of course not. The card was just the symbol to let us know that they were thinking of us.
Remember also that any person who cares about you would not want you to feel burdened or weighed down by your belongings--even if that included a gift from them. Any level of hurt they might initially feel in finding out you got rid of the item would ultimately transition to wanting you to prioritize your happiness. Unused or unwanted items, no matter who gave them to us, can jeopardize our overall health and happiness. Release yourself from being tied to that object by remembering that the love and memories still exist in your heart. I have even found that taking a photograph of an item has been a helpful way to commemorate it without the need to still keep the item itself. We will dive into rituals and ways to commemorate objects in another post. In the meantime, I hope this flow chart is helpful for making tough decisions.
Comments
Post a Comment